Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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