I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
