Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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