I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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