i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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