and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
