saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
