I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize