my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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