He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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