So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
