I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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