He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
