i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
