barbara walters just said penis...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
