Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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