Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
