i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
