Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
