I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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