You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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