Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize