Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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