he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
