im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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