you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just invented taco cereal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize