Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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