he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
