I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
