dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
