Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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