he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
