Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
