I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
