My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
