bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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