but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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