somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
