five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize