my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
