She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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