Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
