On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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