if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
