I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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