I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
