so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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