my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
