and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize