I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
