Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
