Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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