so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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