Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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