You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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