When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
