I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
