TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We need to get me chipped asap
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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