I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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