If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
40s are totally the cure
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
