he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize