i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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