god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
