I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize