I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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