Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
