PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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