Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is my gift to your gina
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
