1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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