sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
