im six kinds of drunk right now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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