I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
is that a dick in a sweater?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
