Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize