Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
